fiddle2 monthly archives

Date: 2004-05-22 00:16:52 (Author: trav)
Link: http://travis.kroh.net/archives/003090.php

Meal, Ready-To-Eat I went home to visit my parents this week, and my Dad sent some MREs home with me. Now, for those of you who've never had the pleasure, allow an Army Brat to introduce you to what Uncle Sam gives the boys to munch on...

The Components
Surprisingly, for as "Give 'em Hell! Be a man!" as the military is, you'd expect the food to be bland, nasty, and just plain unappealing. Granted, MRE stands for "Meal, Ready to Eat" (that's military for "shut up and eat it, I don't give a damn if it's cold"), and they're "shelf stable" (that's military for "several years old"), but they taste... awesome. The meal I'm about to enjoy, as you can see, is CHICKEN ALA KING. Side dishes include CRACKERS with PEANUT BUTTER and some PEACHES. For desert, there's some MAPLE NUT CAKE and CharmsTM candy. To drink, there's some "BEVERAGE BASE POWDER, LEMON LIME" (that's military for "Lemon/Lime Kool-Aid"), and COCOA BEVERAGE POWDER (that's military for Swiss Miss).

Chicken a la King
Nummy. That's real chicken, peas, celery, and other (unidentified) veggies. I haven't the foggiest idea how old it is, but it's delicious.

Lemon/Lime Kool-Aid
Yeah, it tastes like Kool-Aid.

Chocolate Milk
Yeah, it tastes like cold Swiss Miss.

Crackers and peanut butter
Now, they give you a spoon, but they don't give you a knife. That's okay, though, because the packet the peanut butter comes in (like the rest of the dark green envelopes, cleverly camoflaged lest the food be discovered!) is metal lined with plastic. Works just fine for spreading.

Peaches
PEACHES, DRY. "Eat dry, or reconstitute with cold water. To reconstitute, cover peaches with water and wait until soft." You don't say! I wouldn't have thought of that.
These kinds of directions are known as "GI Proof," meaning there's no possible way to fuck it up. Everything in the military, from peaches to rocket-propelled grenades, either has directions printed ON it, or has a manual hanging off of it.

Peaches... soft?
I've eaten them dry, and I've eaten them "reconstituted". To be honest, it doesn't really matter. They never actually get "soft," but something does develop that could be legally called syrup.

ACCESSORY PACKET A
And finally, each meal comes with a little bag-o-goodies. This is ACCESSORY PACKET A. Here, we see Uncle Sam's further devotion to beverage enjoyment for all, as you get some COFFEE, INSTANT TYPE I with SUGAR and CREAM SUBSTITUTE, DRY, NON-DAIRY, FOR COFFEE OR TEA. For those who may wish to enhance the gormet taste of their meal, you get IODIZED SALT and a wee little bottle of TobascoTM. You also get a book of matches: "These matches are designed specifically for damp climates but they will not light when wet, or after long exposure (several weeks) to very damp air." And after you use said matches to light 'em up, you get some Army-green Chiclets, lest you offend the enemy with smoker's breath. When you're finished, you can clean up with the supplied Wet-nap, and because all good things must come to an end, you also get some toilet paper. The supreme forethought and planning involved in this inclusion has always amused me.

Bon appétit.

Comments:
"I'm happy to see you're putting your digital camera (and the MRE's) to good use!! Hope you enjoy both! "
     -Your Mom   [2004-05-22 08:19:59]
"You are such an enjoyable person! I never ever had to eat an MRE for dinner, when Mom and Dad would go places and Dad would cook for you guys by giving you MREs. What I missed out on, huh? Oh well, they're like 2000 calories per, so I'm okay with that."
     -D*   [2004-05-22 09:04:31]
(2 comments)

Date: 2004-05-18 00:38:49 (Author: trav)
Link: http://travis.kroh.net/archives/003082.php

Oh, them Bush girls got nothin' on this.

Comments:
"Perhaps she didn't think the dress would be transparent. "
     -bianca   [2004-05-18 11:08:14]
"Or perhaps she JUST DIDN'T THINK!?!?!?!??!?"
     -The Mom   [2004-05-22 08:21:01]
"Hey now, be nice. So nobody loves this poor girl and she doesn't have a mirror and someone let her out in public like that. I bet she doesn't appropriately apply mascara, either. Nobody loves her. That's sad. That guy shouldn't be President if he doesn't love his kid."
     -D*   [2004-05-22 09:07:49]
(3 comments)

Date: 2004-05-10 22:59:22 (Author: trav)
Link: http://travis.kroh.net/archives/003062.php

The final report didn't fare much better...

There must be legislation passed in order to allow human hunting of both the Mule Deer and the predators on the plateau. It is true that this seems to defeat the point of having a National Game reserve, but if the wounds left by previous damage are left to fester, the plateau is sentenced to a manifest destiny of self destruction. Since human involvement has already upset the natural balance previously in place, a management policy is now mandated by obligation.

Date: 2004-05-09 14:43:56 (Author: trav)
Link: http://travis.kroh.net/archives/003055.php

Sometimes I'm surprised that NDSU is giving me a degree. When our group was faced with developing a continuous simulation model for the Kaibab Plateau problem, we started out vaguely intelligent, but eventually got a little silly, and started coming up with some... interesting solutions.

Date: 2004-05-09 02:33:13 (Author: trav)
Link: http://travis.kroh.net/archives/003053.php

Clearly, Google didn't quite learn this lesson with Orkut's glaring usability problems. Witness Gmail in Safari (screenshot). Now, what excuse do they have for muddling their software with such horrendous client-side code to rule out such a mainstream browser as Safari. Not to mention, they claim it works with Firefox on the Mac, but... not so much.

Date: 2004-05-07 22:00:47 (Author: trav)
Link: http://travis.kroh.net/archives/003046.php

So, there's this meme Nic told me about, where you load all your MP3s into a playlist, randomize it, and quote a lyric from the first 20 songs. Now you all have to guess what songs they are.

  1. There was no use talkin', there was nothin' to say when the band began to play
  2. I wouldn't change a thing about you cuz you look like you and that's just beautiful
  3. Darkness for my eyes, but I can see the light burn through
  4. What I want is what I've not got, and what I need is all around me
  5. Fix me up with a mannequin, just remember I like blondes
  6. One thing I've learned through all of this is, havin' money sure is nice
  7. You never get the point, so what's the use
  8. I had to be drunk just to look at your face
  9. I was never meant to be fallin' at your feet
  10. This is not the greatest song in the world
  11. Never keep, never sleep, never find all the time
  12. I won't run to fetch the water just to tumble down the hill
  13. You ask me what size it is, not what I sell
  14. It's alright, we'll all be dead soon enough, God can wait, God has plenty of time
  15. Sometimes it's better to be someone else
  16. It's not the colors that matter, but that they all fade away
  17. Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand
  18. I'm burning diesel, burning dinosaur bones
  19. Into a psychic war I tear my soul apart and I eat it some more
  20. There are many among us here who feel that life is but a joke

    21. Answers posted next week.



    Comments:
    "4. DMB of some kind! 5. Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox- Joe Diffie!! 18. Rusty Cage- Soundgarden"
         -Nic   [2004-05-07 22:14:25]
    "#9 is "Chains" by Patty Loveless....and I think that's all I know (except the "Prop me up" one that Nic already identified). Some of them sound like "Song titles that didn't quite make it!!" "
         -Your Mom   [2004-05-08 20:00:43]
    "is #2 beautiful by marvelous 3???????"
         -laura   [2004-05-12 01:47:58]
    "and is 12 by shedaisy? if so, i'm not ashamed that i know that!"
         -laura, again   [2004-05-12 01:50:04]
    "#10 Tenacious D"
         -   [2004-05-12 23:51:12]
    (5 comments)

 

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